Monday, July 10, 2006

No Pictures Comix Presents: The Adventures of Second Wave Gentrification Man

["Making Neighborhoods Less Threatening!"]

[Wall Street Financial Analyst Mike McMichaels walks into a loft party thrown by a neighbor he ran into at D'Agastino's in last week's issue.]

Neighbor, looking suitably bohemian: Hey, glad you could make it...uh...I'm sorry I completely blanked on your name.

Mike: Oh, Mike. And you are Kurt, right?

Neighbor: Yeah.

Mike: So, what's the occassion?

Neighbor: Oh, just one last party. My landlord's raising the rent, so I have to move out. He's going to divide this space up into apartments.

Mike: Really? Do you know what they'll go for?

Neighbor: What? Uh, no.

Mike: This is a great space. [beat] I bet you had a great deal on it. [beat] "New York" said this neighborhood was "Up and Coming," but I wish it would already "Up and Come!"

[Neighbor glares at Mike.

Mike: Is there a good place for coffee around here?

Neighbor: There's that little place on the corner, next to the dry cleaners by the subway.

Mike: I know that place. I mean, like, y'know... [trails off]

[Neighbor glares some more.]

["Later that evening..."]

[Mike is walking down the street, and spots a homeless man.]

[He looks around to make sure there's no one else, then looks up in the sky.]

Mike: KAAAA-Ching!

[A lightning bolt descends from the sky and turns Mike into Second Wave Gentrification Man. He looks pretty much the same as Mike.]

[He walks over to the homeless man, and shoots gentri-beams from his eyes.]

[The homeless man turns into a squirrel who cocks a curious head at Mike, then hops away.]

[Mike walks up to a gated storefront. He waves his hand over the gate and it disappears, revealing a sign that says "Pollo Azteca."]

Mike: Not in what has only recently become my neighborhood.

[More gentri-beams.]

[The sign changes to read "Dandelion Cupcake, Co."]

Mike: That's better.

[The End.]

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