Thursday, July 13, 2006

Internal Monologue: Mayor Bloomberg Takes a Sunday Off and Bums Around

Good morning, New York City! Oh my, it's 12:05. Hmm. Good afternoon, New York City! Capital of the World. Time to take a shower in water consistently rated among the best of major American municpalities. Or should I? C'mon, Mike. Nothing to do today. World is your oyster. You can just sit around watching golf in your underwear. Plenty of people do that. Hmm.

I live in and efficiently manage the greatest city in the world, and I'm going to squander a day off in front of the television? No, thank you.

[Showers.]

Okay, now what? 1 o'clock already. Hmm. Is it lunch or breakfast? Hmm. Never been a big breakfast person. But I do like coffee. You can have coffee at lunch. No law against that.

New York is the greatest city in the world to have lunch in. Get out there and eat some lunch!

Or perhaps I'll order lunch from one of the many exquisite places in this neighborhood, and have it delivered, likely by a member of one of the outstanding immigrant groups who have made New York, the bustling, thriving metropolis it is today. And I'll eat it and then I'll do the Times crossword puzzle. What a perfect way to spend an afternoon in the city with the biggest heart in America.

[Orders. Eats.]

Three letters. "Like an ostrich." Not today, my friend. E-M-U.

[A half hour later.]

Who knows this stuff? These words exist only in crossword puzzles.

[Puts puzzle down. Turns on the TV.]

Only 4 o'clock. Five hours till the Sopranos. Oh, no, they're done, aren't they? Not back for months. Dangit. I should work a Tony Soprano thing into a speech.

That's a dumb idea.

Rudy could've pulled it off. He prosecuted those guys. And his last name was Giuliani. Stay on target, Mike. Efficient management. That's what you're about. You efficiently manage the most vibrant city in the world.

[Flips idly for a few minutes. Settles on golf. Falls asleep]

[Wakes up.]

7 o'clock. Okay, Mike. You can do this. Just relax in front of the television. Just watch.

[Flips around for a moment.]

[Reaches for planner.]

There's gotta be something going on tonight. This is New York, Dangit. Nothing? Nothing. No dress gala? No museum opening? A car wash? Nothing. Jeez-louise.

I'll go see Superman. Everyone knows Metropolis is really New York. They shot in Australia, though. We're practically giving streets away to film crews, and they went to Australia to shoot Superman. Sheesh. Both Spiderman movies shot here.

[Flips around for a moment.]

Oh, heck, I'll go see Superman.

No comments: