Monday, May 01, 2006

Secret Baldwin Conversation Revealed!!!

Anonymous Tipster Brendan McDonald of Brooklyn writes in with the following, a randominnyc exclusive:

Apparently one of Alec Baldwin's co-stars in the Broadway production of "Entertaining Mr. Sloane" left the cast because Baldwin "created an unhealthy and oppressive situation." As reported in The New York Times, Baldwin admits to having punched a wall on one occasion, but claims it was because the lack of air conditioning in the theater caused him to sweat profusely, making it difficult to see. That was the extent of Baldwin's comments to the Times, but I managed to pull a few strings and obtained this exclusive transcript of Alec Baldwin's official response to the incident (delivered backstage to the cast and crew of "Entertaining Mr. Sloane"):

Let me have your attention for a moment.

So you're talking about what? You're talking about, bitching about that wall I punched. Some son of a bitch doesn't want to act. Somebody doesn't like what I'm selling. Some broad high-tails it out of here and so forth. Let's talk about something important...

Put. That Tony. Down. A Tony's for actors only. Do you think I'm fuckin with you? I am not fuckin with you. I'm here from Uptown. And I'm here on a mission of mercy. 'Cause the good news is you're all fired. The bad news is you've got, all you got, just one week to regain your jobs, starting with tonight's show.

Oh. Have I got your attention now?

Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to this months performances. As you all know, we lost our first actor today. Anyone want to be the second one? Second one gets stabbed with a set of steak knives. You get the picture? You laughing now? You can't close the show you're in, you can't close shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and beat it 'cause you are going out!!!
You see this watch? You see this watch?

This watch cost more than my salary for Pearl Harbor. I made a movie with Jim Carrey last year, what did you make? You see, that's who I am. And you're nothing. Nice stage manager? I don't give a shit. Good character actor? Fuck you. Go home and play with yourself. You wanna act here? Close!!

You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you cocksucker? You can't take this how can you take the abuse you get during a matinee?! You don't like it leave. I can go out there tonight with the materials you got, get myself fifteen pay-to-play offers! Tonight! In two hours! Can you? Can you?

I'd say break a leg but you wouldn't know what to break it with if I told you. And to answer your question, pal: why am I here? I came here because Scott Ellis asked me to. He asked me for a favor. I said the real favor. Follow my advice and fire those fucking actors because a loser is a loser.

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