Problem: You bought a desk via craigslist and the former owner was a heavy, heavy smoker.
Solution: Baking soda.
[Desk says: I may look pretty, but if I were a cartoon, there'd be wavy stink lines all over me.]
[Drawer says: We don't want to smell like this.]
[Baking Soda says: Don't believe the Arm & Hammer hype! All Baking Soda is chemically identical. Key Food brand will do just fine...]
[...and boy are we a bargain!]
[Aluminum Tray says: I am made of Aluminum. My atomic number is lucky 13!]
[Baking Soda says: Whee!]
[Aluminum Tray says: Time to settle down and get to work, Baking Soda.]
[Aluminum Tray, Baking Soda, and Desk Drawer shout in unison: Symmetry is AWESOME!]
[Baking Soda thinks to itself: I shall never leaven a delicious cake or cookie recipe.]
[pictures: franklin / text: k]